026 (It's Been So Long)

The rain is strong today.

I climbed into my old bed and sat there for a while listening to the rain patter on the metal roof. I pretended that I wasn't all grown up, in nursing school, and that my brother wasn't leaving so soon to go to the Navy. I pretended that I had nowhere to be but here, that no one could see or find me but Jesus, that I was safe from the cynicism and hardness of heart that the world had brought to me. I was sad, I realized, for I had never wanted to grow up. I had never asked for it. It was a curse I was born into, and I did not want it. I just wanted to be a child. To be whole.

I asked Him to come and sit with me. He did, as He always does. He covered me with His mercy and unfailing protection, and I felt the burden slide off my back. I felt the child in my spirit come out from hiding and open her eyes, gasping the cool, clean air. 

"It's been so long," I said. "I'd almost forgotten."

I have fallen more in love with Jesus. There, I said it. I didn't think it was possible. I have carried some burdens so long that I didn't know I could let them go. I didn't know that He could be so loving and so good not only in the past, but in this moment, in the perfect present, as I breathe in His Spirit and the things that the Enemy has stolen from me are restored. But He is, and He will be my truest and dearest Lover and friend until time is no more, and He shall be yours too, if you allow Him.

You never have to leave your joy behind.