033 (Memory)

My heart hurts today.

I felt that times like these are few and scattered throughout life. I know they are fleeting, here now and gone in a flash, leaving only a memory on my heart. I feel the weight of that memory strong on me, heaviness that comes from so many sweet times that I cannot come nearer to except by a faint shape and shadow.

J.J. got a call today. He is leaving for boot camp in April, then for nuclear school for the next two years in South Carolina. Today is March 24th. He won't be back, not for a long time.

I always have felt change strongly. I cried when I left high school. I cried when I left my home to go to Spain, for I knew I was changing. I cried when one of my best friends left town to go work in another state, for I knew that life would never be the same after that. I cried when I left for Australia, for I didn't even know if I would come back. I knew that change was necessary, it had to happen, but I still grieved for the season that would never be again.

I grieve for the short season I am having with my family before we are going to be apart again. I grieve that we had to grow up, that we could not stay children forever. I grieve for the intimacy that my brother and I could have had if I had been in the country the past year.

But most of all, I grieve because we are not going to sit down as we are now and eat breakfast together.

Life moves fast. Always put yourself in the midst of it.